WORLD CLASS SHIT BLOG; made by a dumb trannie
WORLD CLASS SHIT BLOG; made by a dumb trannie
𝔍𝔲𝔫𝔢, 29th, 2026
Time for my weekly blogpost!
I was supposed to try and code some sort of archive for old blogs... but I never got around to doing that. For now, old 'archived' blogs will simply remain on the page. yayya...
Yesterday I went to Six Flags! Fun stuff; though my neck got hurt on one of the rollercoasters there... not too much to say about it...
I am considering writing something for my 'thesis' page; either something on dysphoria or classical anarchy... will figure out sometime soon. I'm thinking about doing one of two things, since, no job is driving me to boredom. I'm either going to end up starting a YouTube channel, which I've been saying for over a year now, or, finish writing a book I started at the beginning of summer. Not sure yet.
Thank you for reading.
Sincerly,
trustmyview
alternatively;
Catherine
𝔍𝔲𝔫𝔢, 21st, 2026
Its been a LONG time since I've updated this blog; nearly three weeks.
My head hurts so bad... so anxious too. I wish I wasn't so anxious... it feels like everything is wrong and out of place... that I'm not good enough.
I had applied for nearly a dozen jobs; and got only one interview; they decided not to hire me. Not even McDonalds wanted to give me an interview. What am I doing wrong? Everything feels so hopeless; like it will never get better. I started applying for more jobs, but, with summer nearly halfway through, its starting to feel more and more pointless. When I went for that interview, there was another girl, much older, having an interview across the store from me. Is it that im competing with people with more job experience? I thought places wanted young people because they were energetic and gulible. Now when I go to McDonalds, or any other store for that matter, its all people that are already old. Already graduated. Already worked. Where am I to work then? Is my only option something mundane like YouTube? Pshh; at this point I would work in the coalmines... but nobody needs coal anymore.
Today, fathers day, I went to the mall. It was insanely... empty. Elderly people looking around, confused. Families. The Hot Topic there had closed since the last time I had been to the mall; nearly two or three years. Soon more places there will close; it shouldent be that theres twenty feet between me and the next mallgoer. Everywheres digital now. How many years more does the mall have left? Someday the anchor stores will all close...
It feels like I have nobody to talk to; real life wise. My two best friends, the only ones I can really talk about my dysphoria and anxieities have moved away; they were pretty much my only real friends. Hopefully I'll make some more best friends next year, otherwise, I'm going to be all alone. I wish I could talk face to face with my online friends... I would feel better...
Why wont my family help? Why must they hate me? Why must they be zealots; pious fools, conservatives, archaic in their ways? Why did the Samsara give me such fate? What have I done to deserve this? My dad might aswell be dead, I see him so little that its hard to say I've ever had a dad.
Once, maybe a year ago, he was driving me home... from what is not important:
"You know... son..."
I flinch at him calling me son... especially considering the subject matter; transgenders.
"Its a mental illness; if you cut off your penis... ha... thats ill! You should not even be able to vote!"
Not that I could cut it off anyways, *I think to myself*; considering its thirty thousand dollars.
My moms not much better. Religious. Overly religious. She belongs to a niche cult; known for knocking on doors and preaching of the 'end times' and 'Christ's coming reign'... yeah... ok; lets all imitate Asahara. They are so archaic in their beliefs; a thinly disguised hate to anything queer. Being 'gay' is wrong; they say, leaning on Leviticus. Questioning is wrong; apostate! I cannot tell anyone in my family about my dysphoria, fearing I will be cut off; yet they wonder why I feel so anxious!
Why was I born to be the male sex? What is so great about being a male? I don't feel like a 'male'; I don't fit into the traditional 'male' things... I despise sports... I despise working... I hate having a penis. I'm weak, short; female proportioned; and yes, I know thats gender steryotyping, but, thats what society thinks. I don't fit in. I cannot talk as high piched as I would want, or move as gracefully. I can't wear the clothes I want, or grow my hair long. But nobody cares! Nobody cares; and nobody ever will care.
I just want independence. I want to be able to make my own decisions. I don't want to be dragged to church to be preached about how a god I dont belive in will bring divine justice on all who 'disobey' him. I want to be able to smile at being myself.
Next year I have to get everything figured out to get ready for college. I'm personaly scared I will forget something... miss a deadline. I fear that my college of choice, UT Austin, will reject me. I know I dont have the money... I'm going to go into debt, probably...
No wonder im anxious. I can't get a job. I can't be myself. I can't go to college.
Detached from my anxieties; I watched Bladerunner, the one from 1982. I loved the movie not for its plot, its a very boring noir-esque, and slow; its atmosphere and design is what made me love it! I love cyberpunk and retrofuturism; I just adore, especially, 80s-90s retrofuturism. The movie was, as said, too slow. I was frequently checking VLC to see how much longer was left... but the atmosphere made me stay. I also 'obtained' Di Gi Charat, The Lighthouse, and Black Lagoon; the third being ironic due to its characters being pirates.
I will try to update the blog on a more weekly basis. Additionaly, I will be archiving all future blogs and putting them on their own page. The Thesis page will contain little tidbits and papers... probably of political, economic, or personal matters.
Thank you for reading.
Sincerly,
trustmyview
alternatively;
Catherine